A wanton life

My fingers wouldn’t move, my thoughts wouldn’t flow despite the overwhelming emotions only I can feel. I’m always searching, always looking for something that would help me live the way I want; the way I thought I should. What am I searching for? Is it love of a man who doesn’t exist; or was it the mere feeling of being in love – an inexplicable emotion that gives you power and strength; an anchor for my wandering soul. Who am I looking for? Is it a soul-mate, who exists only to incite the flames of lust that is under slumber; or is it a forbidden fruit that I desire that is sure to destroy my soul? Because of my flawed beliefs have I already lost sight of what is in the vicinity for the love of what is far beyond my grasp and could possibly never exist? Am I always going to live in the days of tomorrow at the cost of the present?

I know not anymore.

It makes me want to cry like a wild beast that is on the verge of dying; I want to howl like a storm that is raging to savage anything that block its way; I want to moan like a deer that just witnessed the death of its mate; I want to weep by the embers of my ebbing passion.

I could still feel the tremor only passion could ignite within my body. I could feel it in tremble of my fingers; haggard beat of my heart. I’m lost in a maze of my own frustrations, falling at every turn looking for a way to rediscover my lost passion. During the search many a moments I yearned to wander recklessly with abandon in the labyrinth of my mind’s creation, if only it would make me forget. If only it would make me forget the wanton life I’m dwelling within the confines of a dissipated shell of a human girl. 

I'm afraid

I’m afraid to think, for the fear of facing the reality is more than intellect

I’m afraid to laugh, for I know it would become a way of life to escape the torment of everyday life.
I’m afraid to talk, for the fear of having pretending of everything is well the entire life
I’m afraid of smiling, for I know I can smile and the facade would never fade away.
I’m afraid of moving on, for the fear of losing the one last connection with the past.
I’m afraid of finding a dream, for the scar of the shattered dream still taints my routine.
I’m afraid of resurfacing again, for the fear that it would only be to go under again.
I’m afraid of crying, for I know it will be only a temporary solace for the battered soul.
I’m afraid of changing, for I know I have already come to a place where I can never go back.
I’m afraid to sleep, for the fear that I would never want to wake up and face tomorrow. 

May be I could dream just a little

I want to escape from the world that is determined to enervate my soul; I want an escape to the world, which defies the very law of my existence.

I wish I could bury the yearnings that claw at me at the dawn of everyday; I wish I could act on them and evoke the rebellion in me.

I hope I could accept the fate and go on as I always do; I hope I could break them all and not give a damn.

May be I can dream on and this ache will go way. May be I could dream on and wish the life away. May be I wish I could dream just a little.
  

It was and always will be a mystery

Mysteries are galore in the world, known and unknown, oblivious and obvious, to the man. Entangled in the misery and conundrums of everyday life, mind rarely lets the man realise there is a world beyond us, far beneath our understanding.

But for the elusive few, who managed to break free, it is the abstruse question of why and how that was never resolved drove them to the point of insanity for generations.

Puzzles of the universe, abstract and trivial, engross the earthlings. There is a charm in the vagueness and allure in anonymity of the seemingly impenetrable veil that separates the familiar and the unseen.

Rationale for the desire and fear of the indefinite and search for the incomprehensible will always remain a mystery. 

At the crossroads, at that moment

At the crossroads, after 13 years, I met her again. Time ceased, heart stopped, at that moment.

At that moment those years of nothingness effaced; I felt alive again. Just for that moment I knew what it means to resurrect; I was reborn. Just for that moment hope blossomed like the cherry blossoms during spring; Just for that moment I wished I had never grown up; I wished I was 13 again. Just for that moment I wished the moment had never come; I wished we could be together again.
Just at the moment I knew she would never be mine; I knew I had to let go; I knew I have to live.

 And maybe I will.

A ship to nowhere…

It was raining. Tiny pellets of water looked liked dew drops on shiny mass of velvety black hair. It was impossible to see its origin. But when you are on the top of a Ferris wheel you think you could, it makes you think you can. The world from there looked infinite, blue and incomprehensible. 

A ship amidst the mist and deceiving still waters of the ocean was swaying deeper into the sea. It looked tiny from afar and was painted in black and gold. The vessel cutting through the waters to reach the unknown destination would be full of people – chatting, playing, sleeping and loving. 

The possibility of seeing anything beside the wide expanse of the ocean that devours the sense of realism would be arousing. There would be a few on the deck who could see beyond the sea, drifting along the wind to the world far away wishing never to return; couples lost in their thoughts and in each other intertwined, may be more than locked just by their lips undeterred by heaves and surges over the waves missing the bergs; angry men and desolate women finding solace and regaining their footing on the frothing water, for there is nothing around but frothing water.   

Tantalizing salty air of the huge sapphire shining under the rutilant sun teases your senses, tempts the wild and seduces the weak and never conquered, for even the brave succumbs to the lurid sea that swells with mysteries which the ordinary men can never fathom.

Tales of pirates and legend of mysterious mermaids, the fables of Kraken and memories of Medusa would stay for as long as the myths float and the humans talk; as far as world’s end, if there really is one. 

Visage of the vessel, a reflection of the dreams of bygone days, stirred the desire to be on that ship to nowhere. Yawing and swaying , crossing over seven seas, swimming with the cetaceans, lying under the stars dreaming of the past, waking up to a storm wailing for the lost, travelling beyond your infancy only to lose yourself to the unknown!

A simple wish

My heart yearns to see the greenery of Iceland and ice caps of Greenland; to dwell in the wilderness of South Africa and ruins of Rome; to witness the grandeur of Vatican and heritage of Athens; to suffer in the Russian cold and tropical sun of the Caribbean; to dream under the starry sky in the desert of the Sahara amidst the Egyptian mummies; to survive the mysteries of the Amazon and Bermuda triangle; to hop in the Alps and surf in the Mediterranean; to watch the sunrise in Japan and the sunset in Samoa; to behold the memories of northern lights of Norway and  the harbour of Rio de Janeiro; to swim through the corals of the Great Barrier reefs and scale the Mount Everest; to slide over the glaciers of the Antarctic and ice sheets of the Arctic; a wish to see them all and live to tell the tale.  

If only I could live long enough to see them all and live to tell the tale! 

It is a strange world indeed…

From the Ferris wheel I saw the gargantuan mountains and the Pacific Ocean; the park where synergy between the nature and wildlife is tantamount; the indigenous beings, no more than minions who cried during rides.

Up from above the world seemed big and beautiful and strange that it could consume you. We have the sea, mountains, forests and land. The nature that has endowed forests with its diverse species, sea with the beautiful creatures and land with similar yet distinct human race seem so different that one could deem it is impossible for them coexist; yet they do.

Simpletons travel seeking adventure in the world they think so unfamiliar to them under the illusion of courage. Simple pleasures make the earthlings happy, who are unaware of or pretend to be unaware of the universe filled with surprises and bountiful encounters that take your breath away if you live long enough. Mammals in barred enclosures disillusion the man, who driven by the delusion of grandeur and superiority takes pleasure usurping false obedience from the wild beasts.

What a strange world indeed! 

We have the sea full of creatures known and unknown; then there is forest complete with living organisms that keeps the canopy of trees alive day and night. Man is neither intimidated nor awestruck by the sheer enormity of its implication. He has no time to admire the beauty of sparrows, chirping happily on the lookout for breadcrumbs; rain that descends the earth; the prism of colors that the sunlight could shatter; instead he finds pleasure in buying stuffed animals and living virtual world.

What a strange world indeed!

Observing nature in its own milieu where combination of vulnerability and danger adds charm and chills the blood, churns you; makes you feel like you are the only one to whom the nature has unveiled herself. And the very big egoistical part of very small you find pleasure at that very thought!

It is a strange world indeed!

In the Crossroad of Desire and Destiny

When you are at crossroads it is the choice that would make a difference. It will be a choice of to be or not be; a chance to be someone or anyone; it is the determination to do or die; to possess enough guts to take that giant leap which has all possibilities or naught; being strong enough to sacrifice for that one single purpose of being what you want to be; it is the desire for the ethereal and the wish for the eternal. It is a choice that could make or break you.

The risk and the demands with so much at stake, the responsibility and the dream playing a tug of war, it comes down to the will and the duty that would decide the journey of your lifetime. Whatever the choice might be, it is the journey from then on that decides your course of life.

Fate and destiny, often interchangeable and as often abstract word, might not give the vocation or the calling that you thought you are meant for, but believe it will be the one you yearned, the one you are yet to realize and the one that made you who you are and make who you will be.

Love

Love… it means different things to different people.

Expression of the pent up affection for some…Romancing their better half for few…Something to be cherished for many…And it is just another word for lot of us.

Love, comes in various forms and flavours, each unique in its own way. It doesn’t have to be a Red Rose to symbolize and a kiss to prove. It could be just a smile which opens the door for great many wonders. So let’s revel in the beauty of the very feeling of love, for love can be for anyone or anything. Do not confine it, open up and you wouldn’t be surprised to find yourself in a place beyond your own fancy.

Overrated and overstated declaration called LOVE

This overused statement never lost the glamour status it enjoyed and still enjoys. There are many who wondered but only a few I believe have discovered the why, that is if at all they have. For the hopeless romantic, love is a driving force, a way to ennoble one self and one that deserves the greatest of honour by some logic that belies the rational. Even in a purely fictional sense one cannot deny the physical response of quick jolt of pleasure that makes your heart skip a beat, traces of pink that colours your cheek at unexpected hours or uncertainty that defines the word. But in reality it is the unpredictability which goes along with the magic word that attracts the heterogeneous population. The very possibility of challenge adds glitter all the more. As for me, it is more like an illusion of perfection it gives the bearer and the yearning it stirs in the onlooker that seals the definition of Love.  

The Land that lives... A tribute to Gabriel Garcia Marquez and his Macondo

Macondo, a land founded by the Buendias, who lived, died and died again, sometimes for a cause and sometimes for the illusion of grandeur. It was a land that once prosperous but fated to be buried under the canopy of dried mud for, the plague of incest and war was more than it could handle. Despite that, Macondo produced sons who exhibited valor and died for it; it produced men for whom the land meant everything; it made warriors out of women, without whom the strange town would have collapsed before the 100 years.

Yes it was only a town that faced and survived the plague of insomnia. It was merely a town that stood even after being ravaged by the biggest war that left nothing for its inmates except the land itself. It stood the test of time, holding on to the last threads till its creator, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, finally gave Macondo the peace it deserved.

Marquez created Macondo, which carried the echoes of the war and pain of the living-dead. He brought alive the world that was barely acknowledged yet plundered. He immortalized Macondo, a tribute to the land that gave him home and made him.

The man died but Macondo continues to live, as a memory to some and as the fallen legend to many!

Banality of everyday life

It is nice to sit in the patio and do nothing expect dream and reminisce about the past.

The rare breeze eases you from the entanglements of the present and on to the land of never return where time stands still and the clock never strikes twelve; a place where a magic never ceases. In the company of the fanciful and dreamy, you will live the life you dreamt of. Happiness and joy that elude you in reality will be a constant companion at least in those moments though ephemeral. It makes you wish if only those moments were longer, more real.

But this very banality of the real world, harsher, colder and much more complex than the dream pulls the reluctant self back into the abyss. You keep living in the chasm and never to be got out. 

Wish I could make time stand-still…

Wish I could make time stand-still, if only to revel in feeling of being able to do anything 

Wish I could make time stand-still, if only to laugh at the foolishness of adolescent years 

Wish I could make the time stand-still, if only to know that, that moment of contentment would never be yours again 

Wish I could make the time stand-still, if only to succumb in the realization of unrequited love 

Wish I could make the time stand-still, of the time where responsibility and maturity were mere words 

Wish I could make the time stand still, if only to bury myself in the happiness of the bygone days 

Wish I could make the time stand-still, if only to linger in the dusk basking in the last rays of the sun 

Wish I could make the time stand-still, if only to remember that life was meant to be lived 

Wish I could make the time stand-still, if only to live in my dreams

Wish I could make the time stand-still, so that there is no tomorrow… 

For the cliches and its its success

Those long hours in a flight beside a handsome man – every girl’s dream. But sadly it is reserved for cinemas and novels. Ajith and Anushka starring Yennai Arindhal was not any different.

Ajith as Sathyadev was handsome as ever with his salt pepper hair. Surprisingly Arun Vijaykumar was the main villain showing off his newly obtained six-pack abs every chance he got. (I’m not complaining). Trisha though comes for a very short time, looked her best and did her best in that short time. Trisha seems to me is G.V.M’s new muse.

There was nothing unusual about the story. Between good police and bad guys, love becomes a collateral damage. But what might have set the movie apart was the different faces of Ajith we got to see in the movie. As a son becomes an IPS officer so that he can avenge his father; as a police man he collars the gangsters; as a man who falls in love with a dancer and her daughter; as an unexpected father who nurtures and gives up his career for that daughter who had suddenly become his; as a friend; as a protector.

Ajith becomes every one of them without breaking a sweat.

Even with the cliched ending the movie managed bring in all the drama without being cheesy. So I guess it is a good watch. These police stories are fail-safe, not without reason. 

Until death do us apart

The ritual of doing same thing again and again till it becomes a habit. Humans never realize the bliss of that monotony until it is broken and becomes a part of life, only to be broken again. 
There are so many thoughts that floats around our brain that it sometimes mess our mind, dims our wit, blocks our vision and crumble our confidence.   

This world within our world takes a life of its own, known to our subconscious, oblivious to the self. Mere constancy of these surreal moments becomes more real than the reality we live in until we are trapped in a limbo from where there is no return – until DEATH.